What Every Dad Should Know About Their Daughter
Last week I was dropping my daughter off for a birthday party. As I was leaving a man stopped me asking for direction. He was standing with one of my daughter’s school friends. Immediately recognizing her I put my hand out and introduced myself explaining that our daughters sit together at lunch often. His reaction was sarcastic as he gave his daughter a side-ways glance. I didn’t fully catch what he said but whatever it was it didn’t honor his daughter in any way. Looking at her I could tell this was not abnormal behavior.
I’ll be honest… I wanted to punch him.
It’s challenging to articulate the influence a father has on a little girl. How much of his attitude and actions toward her can determine her future relationships. I remember how much stock I placed in what my dad thought of me. I remember how much I wanted him to be proud of me. To affirm me. To show me my value.
I remember how he would brag about me on the sidelines of the soccer field.
How he would tell me I’m beautiful.
How he would hug me so hard I couldn’t breath.
How often he reminded me as a teenager, “Never date a boy you wouldn’t marry.”
(What a way to narrow the playing field!)
Dad’s, don’t lose sight of the impact you have today on your daughter’s future. Here are three things I encourage you to focus on:
Affirm Her
She looks to you for affirmation, encouragement, & guidance. As she grows through puberty (ESPECIALLY, as she grows through puberty), she needs your voice reminding her that she is beautiful, valuable and worthy of love. If she can learn to believe you, then she’ll believe her future husband when he tells her the same things.
Set the Standard
Be the husband you want her to have one day. Enough said. Is it difficult? Yes. Does it mean sacrifice? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. I watch my husband daily making changes to be a better husband and dad. He’s amazing. He demonstrates for our daughter the kind of man he wants her to marry one day.
Talk About the Standard
Talk about the future. As you “Imagine the End” and think about the man you hope she marries… talk about it! Let her know what you expect. Set the bar. She’ll do everything she can to jump over it.
Let me level with you, dad. The more you affirm her today, the less she’ll seek affirmation in some teenage boy later.
greast stuff – as a daddy to a little girl, I can’t get enough good info like this – thanks Gina!
As a father to one daughter who turned 13 last month, your post moves me because I have such a long way to go. Thanks for the subtle rebuke. I can’t wait to see my daughter tonight. It’s never too late to start doing a better job.
This is SO true. It made me cry reading it and thinking back to how I longed for this from my Father. When I didn’t get it, I later “found” it in “that teenage boy”. One of the many consequences of my sin (and my Father’s) was a difficult struggle in the early years of our marriage to accept the unconditional love from the amazing man God so graciously gave me for a husband and leader. These are true words of wisdom and application (or apathy) could literally make a life or death difference for a girl/woman. Thank you for sharing.
Great stuff Gina! I have twin 6-year old daughters, so much thanks!
I am so very proud to be your worldly father. With God’s help you have become the individual, daughter, wife, mothers and leader you are!
Great stuff and so very true! There is a two part series that Josh McDowell did for Focus on the Family called The Vital Role of Fathering. It was earth shattering to listen to and made me so aware of how my kids (especially my daughter) does and will look to dad. I highly encourage any father to listen to it!
preach it my friend!! love this.
Gina love this. I hope to treat my daughter with as much love and respect that she will have to look hard to find someone worthy enough to hold her hand. Great Post!
I always spent time with my little girl, we used to have a daddy and daughter date, no mommy, just daddy and her. She loved it and always picked on mom cause she got to spend a date with dad. She always made me feel special as a dad and never hestitated to hold my hand in public even at the age of 20ish she still went out with me on a daddy and daughter date. Recommend all dads to do this. I promise you she won’t forget it. Don’t have to spend alot of money on her either, she justs want the memories of what her dad did for her and we always laughed and enjoyed each others company. Update, she is now married and has two fraternal boys a few months old.God is good.