Dan Scott started a great conversation here about phrases to quit using in kids ministry.  Kenny Conley comments in that conversation about the process we go through as Christ followers.  Here is what Kenny writes.

…I’ve become a lot more comfortable with the idea that becoming a Christ Follower for many people isn’t an alter call experience, but a process. I’ve talked to too many people who can’t tell you when they became a Christ Follower because it was more of a process for them... I’ve had parents get frustrated when their kids “asked Jesus in their heart” and they’d already done it before… Could it be that this is a process? Kids may have made a heart decision, but their mind still hasn’t caught up (they don’t completely comprehend)…

I’ve talked to many parents with teens that have ‘grown up’ in church.  They stand before me confused because their daughter made a mistake and is now pregnant.  Mom/dad look at me and say,

“She accepted Jesus when she was 6, she never missed a Sunday, we volunteered every Wednesday night… now my 16 yr old is pregnant.  What happened?”

Are we offering a checklist?  Are we giving them hoops to jump through?

Don’t miss church.

Bring your kids to our events.

Do this bible study.

Pray this prayer.

We forget sometimes that mom/dad want to do this thing right.  If we throw a perceived ‘recipe for success’ out there, are we inviting parents to assume that following the recipe will produce the perfect child? Or at least a child with no MAJOR issues like teen pregnancy, social drinking, or addiction to 80′s hair band music.

I question our approach often.  I work to explain to mom/dad that choosing Christ is a series of discoveries and decisions.  It begins with discovering what He did for us and why.  Then continues with decisions… the everyday, ordinary decision of choosing what He says is best verses what we think is best.

Is anyone else (parent or Children’s pastor) wrestling this down?

The 5th and final parenting skill… and my favorite of all.  Parenting Skill #5 is…

Multiply your Influence

Pursue strategic relationships for your kids.  As our kids grow older, our influence begins to diminish and the influence of others increases.  You can be strategic about who those influences are.

Though I can demonstrate what it looks like to be a godly mom and a godly wife for my kids, I will always be mom to them.  I want my daughter to be influenced by single young women who love Jesus.  So, I strategically place these Christ-following women in her life that demonstrate what purity and modesty looks like in that phase of life.  I’m selective of the babysitters that I choose and the company she keeps.

You can multiply your influence over your kids by surrounding them with relationships that live out this scripture… “…Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!”

Parenting Skill #4 is…

Fight for the Heart

Communicate in a way that brings value to the relationship.  As a parent, my words have the greatest impact on my child.

A sarcastic tongue… a sharp response… these things can hurt a child’s heart. They hurt even more coming from their parent.  Be the greatest protector of your child’s heart.

Your child will make mistakes.  They will break things.  They will spill things.  And sooner than you think, they’ll be 16 years old and back into the mailbox… in your car.  In these times, carefully address the problem, while affirming them as a person.

Then, in those random moments when nothing is wrong, nothings was spilled, nothing was broken… and your mailbox is still standing… take these moments to speak words filled with encouragement and praise.

Watch your child light up when you tell her what you see.

See his confidence grow when you tell him you fully believe that he can be a world changer.

Fight for their heart!