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Posts Tagged "reggie joiner"

Drinking from the Fire Hydrant

Posted by on May 14, 2015 in Orange

We’re in the final day of  the Orange Conference.  Lot’s of great thoughts from people like Donald Miller, Reggie Joiner, Perry Noble, and more.  Inspiring breakouts by Jeannie Stevens, Jim Wideman, Chuck Bomar, etc.  Behind the scenes interviews of kidmin & stumin bloggers like Sam Luce, Cara Martens, Amy Dolan, Matt McKee, etc.

One more day to keep up with the awesomeness happening at Orange 2010… all from your computer.  Enjoy

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Big Words Won’t Change the World

Posted by on Nov 7, 2013 in Leadership, Ministry, Orange

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“Words matter.

A few select words over time can impact someones direction in life.”

Have you ever considered the power of your words?  I’m sure you have. Especially when you have to go back and apologize. What you thought was a flippant statement was received with far more weight than you intended.

Since we know that harsh words can make a devastating impact on those around you the inverse is true, as well.  Loving words can make a profound impact… especially when spoken consistently over time.

I shared these thoughts at LeadSmall.org.

If your a parent with kids, a big brother or sister, an adult who interacts with kids or was once a child yourself… check this out.

Big Words Won’t Change the World

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Family Ministry Structure – Part 2 0

Family Ministry Structure – Part 2

Posted by on Nov 30, 2010 in Leadership, Ministry

Yesterday I posted about the process of crafting the Family Ministry vision statement for Faith Promise Church.  You can read about that here.

Now that we have our Vision statement established, the next task is to identify the values that support this statement.  To me, values are like the roots of the tree.  They are the varied branches tethered to the soil networked together to support & feed the trunk (the vision).  We knew we needed the values (roots) to meet certain criteria:

  1. Intuitive – the values must be easily understandable.  They have to make sense to people beyond our team.  They have to make sense to parents.  If they make sense then they take root faster.
  2. Adaptable – the values have to be able to fit a variety of contexts and grow with the ministry.
  3. Integrable – the values must easily integrate into our culture and become our common language.

We could have spent a great deal of time trying to be original.  Yet after reading the book Think Orange as a team, we all agreed that the 5 Parenting Values listed in that book are the very values we sought.

After brief conversations over multiple weeks, we simply couldn’t get past how well these values reflected our heart as a team.  So, we have officially adopted the following as our Family Ministry Values:

  1. Imagine the End – Focus your energy and effort on the issues that will make a lasting impact.
  2. Widen the Circle – Invite others to invest in your children; so your sons and daughters have other voices that will help shape and determine the direction of their lives.
  3. Fight for the Heart – Create a culture of unconditional love in your home to fuel the emotional and moral health of your children.
  4. Keep it Personal – Allow your kids to see how you strive to grow so they can understand how to confront their own limitations and pursue character and faith.
  5. Create a Rhythm – Tap into the power of quality moments together, and build a sense of purpose through your everyday experiences.

(These values are unpacked more thoroughly in Parenting Beyond Your Capacity)

These values go a long way toward defining what the Family Ministry Team is here to do.  Through every event, every function, & every meeting we want to focus on one or more of these values.  We want to teach our audience (be it kids, students, volunteers &/or parents) to recognize how God operates in our lives to tell a bigger story through us.  And they can do that when they…

Imagine the End

Widen the Circle

Fight for the Heart

Keep it Personal

&

Create a Rhythm

We believe these values communicate how we will go about Creating partnerships that equip families to lead the next generation in following Christ.

Next I’ll share where & how we’re infusing these values as our common language.

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Guest Blog: Reggie Joiner

Posted by on Nov 15, 2010 in Leadership, Ministry

The following post is provided by Reggie Joiner, founder of Orange (an organization that strives to equip families & churches to effectively lead the next generation to life in Christ).  Reggie writes regularly at OrangeParents.org & OrangeLeaders.com.  You can also catch tidbits of twitter-wisdom (aka “twisdom”) by clicking here.  Please enjoy and join the conversation by adding your thoughts in the comment stream below.

Parents in Transition

Time flies fast from elementary to college age, so get ready to change your parenting habits. Every child seems to move in warp speed toward the teenage years.

I was caught by surprise when a new declaration of personal independence was automatically assumed the day my son got his driver’s license. It was as though I represented an oppressive and extremely unfair regime whenever I tried to enforce any rule. (Whenever I said no to one of my teenage daughters, she would go to her bedroom, close the door and play Britney Spears’ “Overprotected” over and over again for over an hour, loud enough for me and the whole house to hear.) I have to admit, it was difficult for me to transition from parenting children to parenting teenagers. I had worked with teenagers all of my life, but I had never actually had any living in my home. I am still a recovering parent of teens, but here are a few things I have recognized about this chapter of parenting:

It’s a complicated time.
While your children are transitioning from being dependent to independent, you are transitioning as a parent from having authority to leveraging your influence. You can’t parent them the same way you did when they were in elementary school.

It’s an urgent time.
Face it. You know a window is closing fast. Ready or not, in a few short years your children will be leaving home. You are running out of time, and it is easy to feel a little panicked. Everything seems to matter more (grades, decisions, relationships.) And to make matters worse, everything costs more too. Have I mentioned the price of college these days? Feeling better?

Keep fighting for your teenager’s emotional health by investing in relational time with them. Especially during this uncertain season, they need a positive relationship with you more than you or they may realize. Here are a few things to remember that might help you make the time you spend with your teenager more meaningful:

Find a common activity you can both enjoy.

Go to favorite restaurant, movie, or concert. Discover a hobby or a type of recreation you can do together. Find common interests. It only takes a few.

Make sure there is no agenda.

They will see right through a masked motive and interpret your effort to hang out as manipulation. Don’t forget. This is about building your relationship. So don’t use this time to deal with issues. Guard the fun.

Keep it outside the house.

You probably already spend most of your time together in your home. It can be full of duties, responsibilities, and distractions, so get out and do something that is a contrast to your normal routine.

Do it without friends.

Anyone you add to your time will drastically change the dynamic. Give your teenager individual and undivided attention, without your friends or their friends, and even without siblings.

Mutually agree to turn off cell phones.

Make at least part of your time a no-electronic zone. Phones have a way of distracting you from meaningful and engaging dialogue.

Put it on the schedule (but not on a Friday).

Be sensitive to how a teenager wants to organize his or her life. Discover the rhythm that exists in their schedule and agree with them on the best times to hang out.

Stay flexible (and be willing to reschedule frequently).

A teenager’s world is always changing. They could feel trapped if you are rigid about your scheduled time with them. Don’t let your time with them become a competition with their other interests and priorities. Avoid making them choose between you and something else they really want to do.

Remember your goal is not to change them.

Avoid getting into conversations where you are trying to correct or improve a behavior. Save those conversations for another time. You can shut down a positive experience if you try to leverage it to fix something.

Keep working at it.

Learning to communicate with those you love can be awkward at times. Strive to ask the right kind of questions and listen more than you talk. You are not trying to become your teen’s best friend, but you are laying an important foundation for the kind of friendship you want to enjoy with them during their adult years.

Use it as an opportunity to give your teenager approval.

I’m amazed at how many adults left home without ever really feeling like their parents believed in them. Look for numerous opportunities to encourage their specific strengths and skills.

 Having fun and spending quality time together is increasingly important as your relationship with your child changes. This week, find out what kind of activities your teenager likes, and schedule some intentional time together when you can simply enjoy being together.

 And if you have other tips you’ve discovered about spending time with a teenage son or daughter, please post them in the comments so we can all learn from our shared experiences.

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Shaping the Heart

Posted by on Oct 25, 2010 in Ministry, Orange

What’s the difference between obedience and influence?

Both shape the heart.  Yet one is the result of a command while the other is the result of a suggestion.  One is authority-based.  The other is permission-based.  One focuses more on conformation.  The other more on transformation.

As a parent, obedience is a big deal.  I want my kids to obey me.  I wish I could say my kids do this very well.  Some days they seem great.  (Emphasis on the word ‘some’.)  The rest of the time I question their ability to hear or my ability to speak clearly.

(Kyle and I have a running joke that we’re going to invent “The Repeater”.  A small device worn on the shoulder that records your last command.  When the device detects a “Huh?” response, it auto-magically repeats the last command.  That simple.  Would you pay $19.99 for that?)

Back to the topic… Teaching our kids to obey the authority placed in their lives is an important life-skill.  The extent to which my kids learn to obey their earthly father is the extent to which they learn to obey their Heavenly Father.  However, obedience for the sake of obedience is nothing more than empty conformity.

This past weekend I got to meet with a group of parents to talk about one of the chapters from the book, Parenting Beyond Your Capacity.  The chapter we discussed was on the parenting value “Fight for the Heart”.  I think every time I teach I’m cheating because I gain more than anyone else in the room.

The truths I walked away with were:

  • Fight for the Heart means focusing on the transformation of the heart and not the conformation of the behavior.
  • My child’s foundation of trust in God is established as he learns to trust me.  In other words, the extent to which my son trusts God is the extent to which he trusts me.
  • In Deuteronomy 6, Moses wrapped up his recap of Israelite history with this statement, “Love your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength”.  Interesting that after reviewing the 10 Commandments, Love (not obedience) takes center stage.
  • Influence is gained in the context of a love relationship.
  • Cultivating that relationship is the most important thing I can do.  Why?  Because when my kids are teens, I don’t grant myself permission to speak into their lives… they do.

Reading this book renews my focus and hope to cultivate great relationships with my kids.

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